Nobody Cares If You’re A Good Person
How To Lose Friends And Wrongly Influence People
We all have read How To Win Friends And Influence People, and it has become overwhelming. We know too much for our own good. That’s why I, Dull Canary, wrote How To Lose Friends And Wrongly Influence People. I want you to be able to take back your sanity and to remember what it feels like to be a piece of shit without a future.
How To Lose Friends And Wrongly Influence People will allow you to be yourself again. No more going after the big promotion or talking your way into a free hotel upgrade. This book will make people hate you, and honestly, isn’t that what we all want, to have verbal encounters that we may regret in the future.
After reading my book, you will have the tools to reverse the information provided to you by Dale. I never say his entire name because I don’t want to summon his white spirit. There are enough Zuckerberg’s and Bezos’s running around. The last thing we need is the ghost of a white man yelling, “Why do I need to wear a mask?!”
Although I will not give the entire book away for free, I will give you a few tips on losing friends and wrongly influencing people.
Tip #1: All Conversations Are About You
Whenever somebody begins talking about themselves or their needs, cut them off and ask, what does this have to do with me. Dale would disapprove of this, but who cares? He’s dead. We live in a digital age where everybody takes advantage of empathetic people. Do you know how many conversations I’ve had at the park because of Dale? I was pathetic.
Nobody cares about your dog’s veterinarian appointment or your kid’s first goal in soccer. Is he a young Lionel Messi? Didn’t think so. But since we’re talking about me, I can’t wait to tell you about this new job offer I received.
Tip #2: Always Say That’s Wrong
Dale said never tell people that they’re wrong, but Dale doesn’t have to argue with people on Twitter. Tell people they’re wrong every chance you get. I don’t care if you know the answer or not. I don’t care if you know that you’re wrong; tell that person that they’re wrong until they prove to you they’re right.
The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics stated that people ages 25 to 34 read eight minutes a day. Eight long minutes and this was a study done in 2014, so I’m sure due to Tik Tok, Tumblr, and traffic, it’s down to 30 seconds a day.
I say this to say; nobody will take the time to correct you if you say they’re wrong. Some asshole may pull up Google to back their theory, but if you’ve used any techniques from this book, you shouldn’t be around people with high self-esteem.
Tip #3: Don’t talk about your mistakes
Dale says to talk about your own mistakes before criticizing other people. It’s 2021; if you are not flawless by now, you better act like it. We don’t bring up our own mistakes; hell, we don’t even acknowledge that we make mistakes; we blame the retrograde or our parents. Talk about everybody else’s mistakes because that’s what’s important. Dale might’ve made mistakes, but I haven’t. Hell, this is my first draft. Mistakes are only real if you acknowledge them.
Use this technique in your everyday life. You may spell a word wrong in a text but say it’s because you’re creating a new language. You may hit a person with your car while they’re crossing the street, but that’s because you have a phobia where strangers walking the street unharmed freaks you out. These are excuses, but these excuses are your reality, which makes them your truth. You don’t make mistakes because you are perfect.
How To Wrongly Influence people
Dale said the key to influencing others is to talk about what they want and to show them how they want to get it. Why are you talking about what other people want? Again, this is about you, and it is up to you to convince the other person what you want is what they want.
I am tired of using Dale’s tactics to get what I want, and I know you are too. Buy my book and be the person you once were. Be the person everyone hated but the person you loved. Life is about you and only you.
Here’s a free copy. You already read this entire article which means you’re a piece of shit like me, and I want to look out for you. Use the code IMAMILLENIAL to access your free copy today. Thanks!
